ReflectionS

Time & Tide waits for no man

2006-10-30T08:36:00.000-08:00

Sawatdii kha.

Tham yang ngay dii?

Time & tide indeed waits for no man. If there was one thing i can ever want, it would be to turn back time. Do all the necessary changes that I would ever wanted to.
Maybe age is catching up with me. Browsing throught the past photos I have taken and staring at myself in the mirror, its a stark contrast. Even though i hate to admit it but i am getting OLD. I can feel it too! I find it hard to accept the fact that I am no longer youthful (think of youth day in sec school) and i am really stepping out to society. But thats life and I just have to come to terms with it.
Ageing gracefully in my next target.... less sugar... less refined food....(except chocolates & things associated with it)... less salt.... more fruits... more vegetables...etc

Wats next... maybe a manual for "how to stay youthful?"

Someone, take me on a rocket. Please.

pressure...

2006-10-22T06:28:00.000-07:00

I just wanna shout out loud. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant stant it! Ditto. I really have no idea wat happened to myself. I just wish to be alone sometimes. Really alone.
I think I know what I should do but yet just cant bring myself to do it sometimes. Why? Why? I now i shouldnt be crying over spilled milk, thinking foolishly over what has happened. But no matter how hard i try, i just cant. I just CANT. Its building up inside me... i really need to extinguish it before its too late. Maybe its just me. Or maybe not.

Helpless... jaded.... and maybe more to come? I hope not.
I need the strength to walk further. I need the courage to brace up to new challenges. I need the spirit to face hurdles.

Sometimes, I really dont want to show as if i can do just about everything. Why do I have to show the stronger side of me at times when i dont even feel like doing so? Perhaps its human nature. Who would want someone else to see ur weaker side? Especially you know it will hurt the loved ones around you?

Doing what I should for the benefit of others. For myself? I guess i cant be selfish... anyway i m just a spec of dust in this universe. Life's but a dream, an illusion. Beautiful or not? Carpe Diem.

"May I be as forgiving as the sea"

Going On Strong

2006-10-12T04:23:00.000-07:00

The power of the media. The power of technology. It really puzzles me sometimes about the relationship between people and technology. But well... anyway i shan't probe further into that.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.......What a week. I used to think that since its my final year in Uni, I can be more relaxed... how wrong was I. How very wrong indeed. Due to my carelessness.... I think I made my life this semester worse.... until maybe i tried the alternative which might be worse. Oh well. Its just BAD. I think it makes matter worse when i aint even doing something which i really like or enjoy... i know it sounds very duh.... but yeah... i think its my bad habit to complain about almost everything.

There's a whole lot of competition going on out there & sometimes i wonder to myself how am I going to survive? I realised that my only competitor is actually myself. So long as I am accountable to myself, who cares about what others do? :) I really admire people who really stay to smell the flowers. I mean how many can do the same? I, for one can't at this point in time. To many commitments too many concerns too much competition. oh well well....

chan tong su su na! Gambatte!

"Glad that I live am I, that the sky is blue"

Haze Haze Haze

2006-10-06T10:30:00.000-07:00

Its the HAZE. Its back again. Its been a long time since there was such a serious haze. How to go jogging like that? One good reason for me to procrastinate once again. :)

Been through a lot this past week or there about. Well, its a part and parcel of life. But its still difficult and unbearable. Tonnes of stuff waiting for me to do. I mean i guess its very much part of every student's job anyway. But I just complain to make myself feel better...

Thanks for always being there for me. I am sorry for all the misdeed i have done to you with or w/o you knowing. Thanks. You will always be the one who loves me most and I am sad that i cant say the same for me. It hasnt been easy for any of us I know especially for this pass 7 yrs, but our experiences sure made us grow and to be a better person.

Sometimes i really hate myself for doing some things which i shouldnt and this is not the first time. I always try to keep my temper & actions in check but sometimes they just give way due to my irrationality & impulsiveness. Hope i can control them & not repeat them again!

"As sensational as the sunset"

Cultural Exposure

2006-09-24T09:15:00.000-07:00

Sawatdii kha. :)
I'm back!!! well.. not unusual for me to not post anything for long i guess. Just in case anyone is reading, here's an update!

Well, so many things happened recently, i really need a breather! Busy with recruitment talks, exercising (a bit), CV, projects, assignments that pile up. Wow. A pat on my back for surviving through yet another halfway through a semester!

This semester really opened myself up to a whole lot of new things. New friends, new relationships, new encounters, new exposures and basically just a lot more new stuff. I guess I have really been sheltered a lot, the care & concern that people around gives me makes my life a whole lot easier. But struggles within myself still requires me & me alone to resolve and its not really easy sometimes but perseverance and letting go its an important factor. Looking at things in general from a whole new perspectives will indeed change how I feel. If I encounter any difficult situation, I would just think of me as 50 yrs old looking back in my life. Would I still be unhappy over a seemingly small issue? NO! Indeed.

Anyway, really thankful for all out there who made a difference in my life. Be it the one selling flags in the streets, the one that served in in any restaurant. Thank you. I learned a lot from you all and really thankful for all your time. Its people like you that makes life more real and enjoyable. Kudos.

I went to the Thai embassy yesterday and wow it was indeed an eye opener! Well, I m not a social kind of person anyway so well... it was somewhat like a social event I feel. Here are some pictures to feast on! Sanuk sanuk.

Anyway, i just feel that my friends are quite "keng" to be able to play those instruments. Its quite cool actually. Makes me wanna go and learn too but then I am already so overloaded!!! May pen ray, we'll see how it goes.

I really learnt a lot from the short visit there & it really made me think about a lot more things. New perspectives & to know how poor my Thai really is. :( Stress maak maak.

Sometimes i really think Singaporean youngsters are a really priviledge lot. I mean how many of us can actually cook? Do housework? i mean minus the maggi mee & frying egg part. I can cook but i dont like to cook! I think its not only lazy but i just think its a waste of time! I would rather take the easy way out & drink those nutritional stuff (which i usually do) or cook healthy stuff like Oats. Housework... also lazy i guess... but then i have a cleanliness thing in me... my close friends and family would know about it though. haha sometimes it makes me intolerable of myself too but i can't help it. Its a good/bad habit that i really need to know how to balance.

Till then. I need to pull through this week.

"Act as if it were impossible to fail.”

Fireworks

2006-08-13T10:16:00.000-07:00

How wonderful are pictures. Of course with technology, the emergence of digicams seems to make everything seem more wonderful or not.

"Yi shi de guang hui, chan na jian de yong heng" something like this. Here are the pictures of fireworks captured on NDP 2006. Enjoy. :)

Watching NDP LIVE at the stadium is a whole lot of difference altogether. Not like I have been there but I ever watched the preview once and it was astonishing. I loved the atmosphere! Hope to be there again!!! Love the sea of red, the liveliness, the spirit the jive.

"Shadow is a colour as light is, but less brilliant; light and shadow are only the relation of two tones." - Paul Cezanne

Steam

2006-08-08T09:37:00.000-07:00

Just so much to think about. Really. Or maybe its just me.
Its really difficult to control our emotions sometimes at least for me. At times, I know what I am doing isn't the best but I cant control myself anyway. So many issues that I have to face and I sometimes really wonder how I will be able to pull through. I need to be at peace & keep my heart really calm & rational (though i quite honestly think I am logical & rational most of the time). I need to tame my heart.
So many things waiting for me to do yet so many left undone.

Emptiness I guess, is only from within.

July ..... beautiful memories

2006-07-09T06:21:00.000-07:00

Juliet's (in Romeo & Juliet) birthday falls on 31 july. So does my friend yz. :) no connection but nvm... School is starting one week late (nothing much to rejoyce about) and I am here planning rather painstakingly for my modules next sem. Its all about prioritising i guess.
Unemployment is the upcoming issue i am worried about. I seriously need to be more proactive!!! Increasing my value so as to get a higher change of being employed!!! There are so many grads out there with the same degree as me, so why must people employ me?
Love Malacca, went there a couple of weeks ago and to think i only saw its beauty like so recently. Better late than never i guess. :)
Sawatdii kha, chan ca rian thai saam! Ajarn k pls dont "suan" me. Looking forward to lessons with Ajarn Nook! :)
till then.

Holidays!!

2006-06-17T00:54:00.000-07:00

Well, just in case anybody is reading my blog, here's an update finally!

Holidays BUT its not like i am enjoying the most out of it. Its so ironic that as i grow older, the more i miss going back to school. Probably its the fact that I am really going to step out into the real world soon. No more shelters, no more excuses. Sad.

Its been years since i met some of my secondary school friends and let alone keep in touch with them. As i grow older, time seems to pass faster than before. when i was young, i kept wanting time to pass more quickly, but now, how i wish i have more time to myself. Time & tide indeed waits for no man.

Its a sad thing if we cant do what we really want to do, but i think its right that it is more important to do things we have to, not just because we like to. We have to behave logically and rationally. The importance of understanding this importance would indeed make out lives much easier. :)

Lynn Pat & YZ gave me a sweet surprise! but I was sick for a few days after that.

Midst of it All

2006-04-29T04:34:00.000-07:00

Yes... one more paper to go and I am done for this semester... as yet till the results are out. -_-"
No idea howthis sem is like but then its just super rushed, haven been as organised and as disciplined as i had wished... oh well, its all my fault anyway. TIll the next sem.... way to go. Holidays are coming... not really looking forward to it nor not looking forward to it. Neutral i guess. Loads of things to do. Hope i can get some internship or something... hai... one last chance hope i can get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!though i haven even applied for it yet.
yee pee... anyway i look forward to next semester where i most prob only gonna take 2 econs modules... haha even if i take 3, i make sure i SU some other module.... eh most prob lah... hahaha i haven show hand yet.
That's all for now... till then.

Desolate.

Straw

2006-02-24T08:09:00.000-08:00

Haven't been feeling low for quite some time, or rather I only seem to realise it recently. Disappointment fills my heart for now, but who can i blame? only myself.
I like the feeling of being alone at times, where i can concentrate on what i want to do, most importantly for now is to catch up. Focused.
I do realise the important of technology these days. A simple error or "mishap" that happens to digital devices can be so irritating. Just take my camera for instance. As a procrastinator, i have yet send the SD card for repair or get a new one. Now i realise i might need my camera and i cant use it. haha serves me right.
I wished i could fly, then i can save all the trouble of travelling, though i am relatively used to travelling long distances, it still bothers me at time. When i know people only need like such a short time to get home, i get jealous sometimes. Its part of human nature, isn't it?

May tomorrow be better, i hope.

"love the stillness of the air"

Cool Weather

2006-02-09T01:30:00.000-08:00

Yes. Today's a rainy day, but cool. Rain usually keep my temper in check and i feel comfortable with the rain, provided that I dont get wet or I am rushing for time. Thanks to my jacket acting as an umbrella. :)
Came back from krung theep. I didn't buy much things but i quite enjoy this trip, though i didnt have enough time shopping...-_-" Would like to visit there again! My got something wrong with my SD card and hence i didnt take any pictures in this trip but it alright, there is always a next time.
Thai class is getting better, i think we are more interactive now hmm not bad. But khian thai class is tough, so many rules to remember, i hope my brain will increase in its surface area and i can remember all the rules and alphabets.
Have been quite tired recently and i have no idea why, perhaps of all the early classes i have! May pen ray, persevere till the end!

"to see the world through an hourglass"

Weekend

2006-01-26T07:56:00.000-08:00

Stressful & exhausted. That's what I experienced in Thai class today. Its like i dont really understand what the teacher wanted me to do and of course what she was speaking. It had to get better, or else.... I'll have to put in a lot more effort. :(

Phrung nii chan mii khian thai. Hope the ajarn will be nice, if not i will be super stress yet again. May pen ray prhc waa chan may mii choice leew, just have to accept what i have chosen to do. -_-"

"swift as the flowing river"

Third Week

2006-01-22T10:20:00.000-08:00

Yes, its the third week of school already. I am still procrastinating.

Anyway have been occupied (i wont say busy) these few days with spring-cleaning. Serves me right for being so untidy and disorganised. My new year resolution is to be neater. serious. Anyway, packing my stuff brings back a lot of memories. I found this Forever Friends photo frame given to me by my primary school friend Florence. I was thinking so hard who gave me that until i realised she wrote her name underneath the cover of the box. And we never kept in touch ever since we graduated from Pri school. Thinking about it, i never seem to keep in touch with any primary schoolmate since i graduated. Partially or rather it hink the main reason is that i got posted to a secondary school which basically none of my pri school mate went to. Haha thinking about it, i think its quite "brave" of me also.

This sem's gonna be REAL busy. Plus gg holz for like 5 days.... feel a bit stressed also....
... till then, ganbari masu.

"it really takes 2 hands to clap"

Spiderman

2006-01-12T09:16:00.000-08:00

My brother got this super cool Spiderman laser pointer. His friend got it for him in Japan. Suave. Sad... My SD card got something wrong!!! Must send it for repair soon so that i can use it asap!
Had 3 lectures this week. Two of them 8am ones and nothing's new, i was late for both of them.

Its so "rainy" these few days. So cold.... all the clothes take a super long time to dry, sigh... CNY is approaching already but its still raining so frequently. I only like rainy days when i am indoors. But i do like the after feel of the rain. Its such a romantic and cool feeling. Honestly i haven had such a nice feeling after so long! Enjoying the wind after the rain.

I got a pair of blue nike sneakers! I think its super cute! But since it has been raining so aften, i can bear to wear it... must wear slippers these days. My adidas shoe got soaked thoroughly in rainwater the other day and now its got a dampy smell which means that i need to wash it soon.

I must NOT procrastinate any further and start packing my stuff! I need to clean the house for CNY too. I think CNY spring cleaning is a good way to clear things. I gave away/threw quite a lot of stuff. haha, quite happy to clear stuff. I hope i can clear even more!

"love me, love the wind"

New Year!!!

2006-01-05T08:12:00.000-08:00

Its been quite some time since my last post!! Anyway, its the new year now! So fast! School's starting already. :)
Well, I am just back from Genting after only a couple of days. Well, just some thought about what I have observed during the trip. I was sitting at BK watching ESPN live which was airing the US inter-state college rugby competition (I think so, I am also not sure of the sport actually). This white guy, assumbly from the US, was so excited when he realised that the competition was aired and he turned around and told us that it was the inter-state college competition (i didn't know it before hand). Its a very different culture unlike Asian countries, where more emphasis seemed to be placed on academic work. We dont get to see "live" or even programmes of our students competition at the national level often. To continue, this guy had with him a Fujitsu labtop, which suddenly struck me about being a globalised citizen. To top it up, I also saw this family, with both parents as "ang moh" and the granddad also "angmoh", together with 2 chinese kids. I think the 2 kids are adopted by this family... the kids speak "angmoh" accent English.
Hai.... till then....

"if it tastes good, spit it out; you'll never be fat"

Christmas!!!

2005-12-25T07:23:00.000-08:00

Its Christmas today!!!!!!!!! Nothing's new, just that its another holiday for me and i can sleep more than usual. Went to Suntec today (again... I have been going suntec quite often) and i bought a shirt for my bro and socks too.
Oh no, cors bidding going to start soon i have yet to see which modules i will definitely be taking next semester. Anyway, my results for this sem is alright, improved from the previous 2 sems.

Hohoho, this pic reminds me of ice-cream...

"Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

Sunday

2005-12-18T08:02:00.000-08:00

I went to Pat's house today with YZ. Hee it was cool. Well, we cooked up a storm. haha not exactly, but it was kinda of a large scale thing that we took like 3.5hrs to prepare the stuff and we finished eating in 30min's time. After that, we wondered why we took such a long time to prepare a seemingly simple meal. :) It was quality time spent with them.
After that, Pat's dad sent me to the train station! I went to suntec to meet my sis and also walked around a bit. Sales everywhere!!! Cool. Christmas is coming!
Here are the pictures of the food we prepared, its non-meat! Delicious! Yupz, and also topped up with Ben & Jerry's for desert.... supeerrrrbbbbb. yummy yum.

tada! we have such a sumptuous dinner!!! fusion styled. :)

Back to serious stuff... time really flies. 3 more weeks to school. The same thing all over again. very soon the sem will fly pass again. Ditto. Working life soon. Lesser time to be spent with friends. :( but that's life i guess.

"It is not fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do yourself" - Eleanor Roosevelt

Thursday

2005-12-15T07:27:00.000-08:00

Wow... time flies. Its been so many days since i last blogged.
Today is a very fulfilling day! Sock is back from Cambodia! So fast 11 days just flew pass like that. Christmas is coming!!! Yay... but its not like i celebrate it, but i am just looking forward to it since its a public holidaY!!! I can settle some stuff and probably pack my stuff. Though i packed it briefly, its still very untidy. I need to go get some boxes or something like that to keep the stuff. :) So when my aunt comes to stay, everything will be neat and nice!

Heard from my sis that there is a crazy mid-night sale on Christmas eve at Suntec haha maybe i should go afterall!! just for the experience. I haven really gone shopping for such a long time, or at least window shopping. hee hee. Really looking forward to my trip next year! :) Sigh.. the though of Christmas reminds me again of my results. Sob Sob Sob.... so sad.... sigh... but anyway its all over i cant do anything about it!

Oh Important news!!! I made a pair of Specs yesterday! I got astig in one eye and increase in degree in another. I must eat more vitamins so hopefully i can reverse the process. Its really very inconvenient to wear specs and i am too lazy to wear contact lens. (- _-") Cant wait to get my new specs!!!

That's all for now. Take care everyone.

"my only love sprung from my only hate"

Food for thought

2005-12-10T08:29:00.000-08:00

Food for thought.

Its coming back again. After listening to lao shi talked, i feel better, though i have to admit i really wasn't paying 100% attention. I now know better how i need to make my life better and happier. I really need to pay more attention to my heart and "to be a lamp upon myself". Very often, its our own desires, both good and bad, that makes our lives so difficult. Materialistic (as most of us are in a way or another), i feel is one of the key element in making one unhappy. At the end of the day, we wont be carrying all those with us. It would be left in the hands of someone else but us. Why cant so many of us just learn to let go and learn to love and live life?

Impermanance is the only constant. Ditto.

Digressing a bit, my cough is getting worse. Seriously. I have absolutely no idea why. Sigh, it seems that these days so many people are getting sick. With the new viruses and all, health is indeed important. What's life without health? Eat your vegetables and fruits. Eat more salad, less oily food. Follow the health pyramid. Exercise too. Live life to the fullest. Love your family. I know i sound super naggy, but i cant help it lah, so bear with me for a while ya?

Mum made honey lemon for me. Warm. I love her! hee hee its for my cough, i think and believe it helps!! yay! ..... :)
Its been a long day today... cutting paper, measuring and all... cleaning abit... and bitting on my lip TWICE in like 10 minutes... it was so painful that tears just flowed out of my eyes - uncontrollably.

' Time & Tide indeed waits for no man '.

Cough...cough...cough

2005-12-09T08:23:00.000-08:00

Ahem ahem.... old already cough and cough... no more fever but keep coughing... sigh... Studying that time also never fall sick now exams finish going to work already then sick, sigh so sad. Cannot enjoy eating all the junk food. sob sob....
I want to go to the food republic one day! i saw on TV that they have beancurd sold in those wooden bucket! So nostalgic, i want to go and try if they beancurd tastes better!! sigh... i might be going to Malacca during Christmas, which means i will have to forgo the chalet that lao shi booked... so sad.
Anyway, i haven been really lazy, seriously. I just give myself excuses to be lazy. :(
Well, at least i m a little looking forward to school next sem. Can continue with my Thai 2! We had a Thai class gathering that day at lemongrass, and ?aacaan Aoi treated us! She's sooo sweet!!! Hee hee here are some photos taken at the outing!!

To the left is the pic of the entire grp, the right is from my thai 1201 class!
I still have loads of things to do, a long day ahead!!!Add oil everyone! Till then, i bid thee farewell.

Not feeling too Well

2005-12-07T20:18:00.000-08:00

I am sick. My sis says I am down with fever and i am certain that i have a slight cough. So today i didnt go to work! Can rest a bit and slack a while at home. Thinking about it, I haven't been sick for a long long long time, and recently, I haven been like so busy and i am really not sure why i am so busy. And oops.... i haven'y been taking my vitamins for a long time, maybe that explains why, but nope i dont think so.
Anyway, I think i am going to be busy until school starts, and i still haven packed my stuff yet, its so untidy!
I was just thinking suddenly why do people have to be so busy? Why cant we just walk slower and take life at a slower pace? Why do some people have to feel so obliged? Why some people dont have the courage to do and pursue what they really want in life? Well, its easy for me to say, but i really hope i will have the courage and determination to strive for what i want in life. To do things that i really like, so my life will be much easier. :)
Hmm.... i bet Sock is enjoying herself in Cambodia, Huiying is watching VCD, Sab is with her youths. That day went to suntec with them, so fun! though we didn't do much, just as usual take pictures... and yes, we washed the pic out!! wallet size one! yay!
hee this is the photo! (my first time uploading dunno if it will appear also)
My sis is working today, but she's so nice! She prepared lunch for me and she didnt even eat cos she will be late if she eats. I feel so bad now. sigh... really love her!
Christmas is coming!! Which means results are coming... hai... what a semester it was, so busy so many things to do! I just hope next semester will be better!
Well, that's all for now. Chook dii to all!

OK firstly the picture didn't appear. haha... here i am to edit and add the pic in!!! yay!

Butterfly

2005-12-06T06:54:00.000-08:00

Sawatdii Kha... sabaay dii ree kha?
Finally, I decided to rekindle my blog! Hope this time I will be hardworking enough to keep it going. Hmm... its been such a long time since I blogged, suddenly I don't know what to write. Life's as usual busy for me, have been busy since A levels ended and time flies! I am going into my 4th semester already. Reminds me of my results, which is coming.... so scary I am going to enjoy myself before I get my results!!! I think its on the 22 Dec, Thursday. I will make sure I go relax myself before I get too depressed after knowing my results. There's also the bidding coming up soon, must plan what to take next semester.
Sock is in Cambodia now, so lucky! I wished I was there too, hopefully we can go Chiangmai together next year with Huiying and Sab. Something to look forward to, but its so far away. Talking about this, I think I need to engage myself in more activities. "action speaks louder than words though".
Sigh... I am one step closer to working life! I think office work is not suitable for me. I would prefer something less boring and more fun! I will probably go take up a tour guide cert or something after i graduate & also continue learning Thai, and hopefully i can go work overseas but in SEA though. I love this region! So many plans so much things i want to do, so little time, i feel.
I think my target for this holidays is to engage myself in some exercise! I seriously need exercise, its good for relieving stress and of course to keep fit!
Today's just another normal day. Had a wonderful dinner that my sis prepared, with such cute mushrooms, miso soup base, veg, peppers... nice!!! She's superb!
Till the next posting, take care!

Despair

2005-03-17T20:10:00.000-08:00

I feel so apologetic to my blog... I know I haven't been visiting it for a very long time! Well, that was because I have been very busy these days. My tutorials are killing me arghhhhh!!! (as usual nothing's new here)
Since JC I thought that all my life I would be doing someting related to Economics. Until now. The initial passion that I used to have seem to have cooled, diffused, disappeared. There seems to me so many impediments to attaining what I once thought I would want to do for my entire life. Or are these signs that there is a better path out there for me?
I guess the world is changing (yah familiar right ever-changing world)... and so are the people around me too. Guess that's just a part and parcel of life. Some say ignorance in bliass, while others not. I think most people have this psycological effect to act indifferent to things happening around them. Great I guess, especially so when those things are out of our control and might as well not burden ourselves with them and to live life with less toubles. Tell me about an Utopian world.
Sigh.... i guess whatever happens has their reasons and despair? Well, I will just treat it as an after effect of which is easily diffused, for I believe life is GREAT!

Friday Morning.......

2005-03-04T00:33:00.000-08:00

Hi!! its the first day at my blog. Seems so exciting. Well, its always like that I guess. Everything that is new always seem so exciting. But once you get to know more, you get bored by it. That initial adrenaline rush fades off. How sad. How I wished the passion that I had for everything can be mantained. This semester really flies. New faces, new encounters, new challenges surfaced. Life, I knew wont be easy or rather it never was, at least for me. Inner struggle and external forces seem to shape me to what I am. Stress. Read the latest issue of Time mag and happy to know that all my laughing n smiling actually pays off!!! haha yah i like to laugh very (yes) loudly. But i can't help it. Life's short just do what we enjoy. Image?? haha gimme a break. "All that glitters isn't gold" yes and I do believe in that.